Every culture has social norms that its members unquestionably accept. But project those norms onto someone from another culture, and that person might well find them to be absurd. For example, look no further than the whaling controversy that has erupted recently between Australia and Japan.
This of course happens on more micro levels: someone raised in one part of a city may have a different perspective than someone raised in another part of that same city.
This oftentimes has ramifications in the workplace, as the intersection of these backgrounds can breed misunderstanding.
A few months ago, we facilitated a workshop strategy session with a client sales team. Overall they were meeting revenue targets, but that performance was mostly on the back of two star performers; the others on the team were performing average at best. To the Sales Director, they were being lazy.
After two days with the group it became clear that they weren't lazy; they were simply confused. They were confused by the 'direction' they were getting from management, confused by their responsibilities, confused by their objectives.
Because of his lack of effective communication skills, the manager had bred his own team's lacklustre performance!
Communication does
not begin with being understood, it begins with understanding the other person. And the foundation for effective communication, and the key to any relationship, is
empathy: the ability to project oneself into the mind of another person and understand how that person thinks (this doesn't mean agreeing with it; that would be sympathy). That is to understand how they reach decisions, how they formulate opinions. Meaning that communication is always two way (if it's not, it's not) and that you need to get to know the person you are talking with by observing and actively listening to them.
While the manager may have been empathizing with his "star performers" – perhaps they were from the same social background (or had similar behavior styles) as him – he clearly wasn't doing so with the "lazy" ones. As a result they felt disconnected and this impacted their work ethic and results.
The next time you're having trouble communicating with an employee, ask yourself:
Do I understand this person? Do I know how and why they think as they do? Because until you do know, your communication may not be achieving what you intend.